i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
did i walk over a car last night?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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