I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize