there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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