fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
