No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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