i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
