OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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