Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
You have to summon your inner elephant
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
