Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
