Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
