we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
