Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
