he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
