I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
