Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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