i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize