hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
It was like giving head to a cactus.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
A bitchslap is in order.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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