Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
