My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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