dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
