Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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