i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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