You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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