WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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