just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
