She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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