My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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