Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
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