I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
