I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
