My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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