3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
