is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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