I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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