You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize
