i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
my being single is dangerous.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
