but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
