I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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