and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
