My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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