Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
