My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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