Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
tonight lets celebrate not being married
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
