Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
