I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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