can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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