and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize