I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
How external is "for external use only"?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
