rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
