Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
