She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
