she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
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