When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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