you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
