I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
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