So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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