He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
