that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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