I wish my penis had an off switch
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize