I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
