I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
