The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
