Tell her she can't have a vagina
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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