You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
