you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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