$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
from now on my penis is your penis
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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