It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Randomize
