i think my tv is drunk
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
