There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
