It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
There's always time for handjobs
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
