worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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