I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
