she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
