You're my little dorito
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
