I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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