The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
